


August 1st

by HijikataTrash



Category: Gintama
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Inspired By Tumblr, Inspired by Fanfiction, Light Angst, Loneliness, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suffering, basically the day restarts, idk how to call this au, its a loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2018-12-05 05:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11571789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HijikataTrash/pseuds/HijikataTrash
Summary: Kagura keeps dying. She also keeps waking up at 7 A.M on August 1st.How can you deal with the loneliness that comes with being the only one realizing that the day is the same over and over again?As Kagura searches for a way to end the loop, she gets to know people whom she'd never had noticed before.





	1. Chapter 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo this is a fic inspired by a BTS fanfic I've read not too long ago. It's really good, if you like BTS I recommend it. The name is l o v e- i s- a -l i e// BTS+Jihope by 200451. The first few chapters are quite short but it'll be longer soon dont worry! Enjoy!!

She doesn’t know how she even got here. She has no clue how this could have happened. She would never understand how she got stuck in this loop.

New day, same day. Over and over and over again.

She didn’t know for how many time exactly she’d been living the same day again and again. It could have been a few weeks or years, but she couldn’t quite tell. The only thing she knew for sure was that the date on the calendar always showed August 1st. She grew to hate that number.

Always reappearing day after day. It never turned to two or three. It was stuck to one and it never changed no matter how many time passed. She spent entire days and nights staring at her cellphone, her calendar, her clock.

But it never changed.

It always showed August 1st.

She stopped caring about the date after a few weeks. She started a diary at that point to help her keep her sanity.

If the day had to repeat itself for eternity, it had to end and start somewhere.

It wasn’t hard for her to figure out how it ended. The first time it happened she thought it was the end of the road for her. She’d been shot late at night in an empty street and she bled out. She was supposed to die. Either way it felt like she was dying because the pain was unbearable.

She woke up the next day in a bed. Surely she would be in a hospital bed, assuming she had survived the previous night.

But it was her own bed, in her room, surrounded by her things. The culprit for her waking had been her alarm clock. It indicated 7 A.M exactly and it didn’t stop ringing until she delicately pressed the snooze button.

She searched for the wound she’d been inflicted with, but she was met with her smooth skin, still as scar less as before.

She thought that maybe it had been a dream. No, that wasn’t it. The pain had been too great, too real, it happened for sure.

Maybe she had been given another chance at life.

Or maybe she was in heaven.

Had she taken drugs and hallucinated the whole thing?

Her mind was running and searching for an explanation that made sense. She swore the whole thing had felt too real to be a dream or a hallucination. But then again, she wasn’t one to believe in such things as heaven or second chances.

Then she checked the date.

August 1st.

This is yesterday’s date, isn’t it?

Was yesterday July 31st?

She was even more confused now and the only thing she wanted to do was cry.

Her mum entered the room screaming at her that she’d miss the bus.

“Hurry up, Kagura! You’re walking if you miss the bus.”

Wait. Didn’t this happen yesterday?

She heard her dad drop his cup of coffee downstairs.

Wait, this happened too.

Was she experiencing déjà vu?

Her brother missed the last stairs and tripped down of them. He cursed loudly.

She told herself: “I’m fucking bleeding, mum c’mere”

A few seconds later she heard Kamui.

“I’m fucking bleeding, mum c’mere”

This is insane. She must be going crazy.

This wasn’t making any sense.

She called her mum over and asked her if she remembered doing the exact same thing the day before.

“I don’t. Are you sick sweetie?” She brought her hand up to the girl’s forehead. Kagura tossed it away still confused.

In the end, she decided to ignore the uneasy feeling taking over her and blamed a realistic dream.

But the pain and the blood.

She didn’t have time to think about it. She had to go, whether this was real or not.


	2. Chapter 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! There is some talk of suicide, be careful of that! Enjoy:)

She wandered on the main street of her hometown, looking for something different to do.

Usually at this time she’d be at school, but she stopped going after a while.

She couldn’t tell what the point of going was. She basically knew every lesson by heart now.

Not only her class’, but others too. She’d taken the habit to hide in another classroom and learn their lesson.

She knew her textbooks like the back of her hand, she knew her teacher’s every movement and she knew what everyone would eat at lunch.

She’d sometimes place bets with her friends and she made lots of money off of that.

Because she knew, she always won.

But the money didn’t matter. It always disappeared when the day ended.

She’d wake up every morning at seven and found her wallet as empty as ever, until her mum gave her money to buy lunch.

If she asked for more from her mother in the morning and didn’t spend it, it would vanish as well.

She grew to learn the rules of this strange loop she was stuck in.

She didn’t have much of a choice. She had to if she wanted to somehow live.

She wrote everything in her diary. The rules, the ways she died and the new things she learned every day.

She also wrote about her loneliness.

The city was never empty, there were lots of people.

Countless of people she’d never get to know and her friends too.

But she still felt lonely.

So lonely.

It was crushing sometimes. The unbearable thought of being temporary to the new people she met.

She got to know them and she never forgot about them.

But those who looked so happy to talk to her just forgot she ever existed the next day.

It felt so lonely in the loop.

She didn’t think she could make it through many times in the past.

She tried to take her own life. She thought it would stop this nonsense. She thought life would go back to normal. She thought her family and friends would stop saying the same things every day.

It never worked.

No matter how, it never did.

She slit her veins open.

She jumped off a bridge.

She stepped in front of a car.

She drowned herself.

But she’d just wake up the next day to the same date.

August 1st.

August 1st, seven in the morning.

It’d ring and ring until she smashed snooze.

The clock broke and came back as good as new the next morning.

Just like her broken body would.

Dying hurt.

It hurt a lot.

Every night she had to leave through dying in a new way.

The first time she was shot.

The second she was beaten to death.

The third she was hit by a truck.

She felt every single thing.

Every punch, every bone breaking and every drop of blood dripping.

It was very real and it hurt so much.

But the next morning she’d wake up facing a big August 1st with no pain.

She felt as new as before.

No scars, no bruises and no more hurt.

And the hurt would come back the same night.

She tried to avoid dying but it would happen anyway.

She stayed in her room the whole day, lying in her bed.

She thought that the loop would stop if she didn’t die.

But death would find her one way or another.

If she lied in bed all day, she’d die of a heart attack.

Even though she was young and healthy.

There was no reason for her to die like this, there were no symptoms beforehand.

It’d just happen.

Death didn’t need an explanation. Especially not in this world.

She preferred the hurt of dying better than the lonely feeling she always felt.

It was omnipresent, it never left her and she hated it.

She hated how weak it made her feel. She hated how real it made this whole thing feel.

She refused to acknowledge that this was happening for real.

She denied the fact that this wasn’t a hallucination.

She started to make herself believe that this was her imagination.

This isn’t real.

She might be in a coma in the real life.

Her real family was waiting for her to wake up and her friends were worried.

But she wasn’t stupid. Kagura was a smart girl.

This was her reality and she’d have to accept it.


	3. Chapter 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy this one is short too;-; Enjoy anyway!

 

Kagura started to call the strange place she was caught in “the loop”.

She’d often mention it to her family, especially Kamui.

She would try to explain it to him.

But every time she got more in details, the girl would die.

Like it was forbidden to let the clueless know.

Nonetheless, dying didn’t stop her from trying to gain allies.

Allies in the loop would be appreciated.

Someone who could, for once, remember that this already happened.

She would like to be accompanied in the loop.

To have a friend, to feel less lonely, to share about the rules without dying.

If she’d go over the line and explain them, she would choke on something and die.

Whether it was on food, water or even just air. It was bound to happen.

Choking was one of the deaths she hated the most.

It took time before she’d actually die and in the mean time, she could see everything around her.

The panic in her brother’s eyes and how he tried to help her.

But it was all in vain, as her death was inevitable.

She couldn’t tell him that though. She had to die and watch him suffer from it.

Kagura often wondered if when she died, the whole day stopped.

Or if her family and friends had to live the rest of the day knowing she was dead.

If they cried her death, even though they’d all come back all right the next day.

She couldn’t imagine the pain it’d bring to her mum.

She would find a way to blame herself, Kagura was sure of that.

Would her dad cry too?

She’d never seen him cry.

Was her passing enough to force tears out of him?

She’d never know.

Because when she died, it all turned black and she didn’t hear a single thing.

As if she was peacefully sleeping.

Except there was still pain.

A lot of it.

Physical or emotional. It was always there.

Kagura was a strong person.

She never needed anyone in the past.

She never fell in love.

She never cried when she got hurt.

She never cried when her friends betrayed her.

She never needed anything from anyone.

She never expected anything from anyone.

In the loop it was different.

She expected for everything to come back to normal every day.

She needed people to remember her.

To stop repeating themselves every morning.

She found herself crying once too many times because of the loneliness.

It was unbearable; it was the worst thing she’d live through.

She screamed and cried and begged when she got hurt.

It somehow made it less painful.

She needed someone.

Anyone.

A person who could understand her.

A person who would be there for her.

A person who would make the loop seem livable.

And she fell in love.

Somehow, she managed to fall so hard for someone.

Someone who forgot who she was the next day.

Someone whom she gave her life for countless of times.

Someone who she loved so much it hurt.

It hurt more than dying.

The thought of being forgotten by him hurt.

So much.

So so much.


	4. Chapter 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter of August 1st on August 1st? A concept.
> 
> Enjoy this.

 

She met him in the park on the other side of the town.

She didn’t usually go all the way there, which can explain why she’d never seen him before.

At first she didn’t pay attention to him.

Everyone was irrelevant to her.

There was no point in talking to them since they’d forget everything soon enough.

She was tired of going through this painful process.

But then she noticed how alone he was too.

She observed him for days.

She sat across from him in the park and stared at him.

She might have been mistaken for a stalker.

She might be viewed as a creep.

But she couldn’t find it in her to care.

He fascinated her.

How he was just staring at the river in front of him.

How he always pulled out the same book and read the same pages over and over.

He seemed mysterious and she found herself being more interested in him as time passed.

She wanted to get to know him.

She wanted to know why he was so alone.

She wanted to connect with someone once again.

But most importantly, she wanted him to remember her.

But that might have been asking for too much, wouldn’t it?

After longing for a conversation for two weeks, she decided to take it upon herself to go to him.

The first time Kagura just sat beside him and stared in the void with him.

She didn’t try to talk to him.

She just sat on the warm summer grass and stared at nothing.

The second time Kagura walked to him, she tempted the unfamiliar grounds.

How many times had it been since she made her friend?

“Hi, can I sit here?”

She was way more nervous than she expected.

“Huh, sure, do what you want.”

He had spoken with such indifference in his voice it almost hurt her.

He looked up to her and for the first time she noticed his eye color.

Red.

Such a crimson red.

“Thanks.”

She tried to keep her voice as steady as possible but she failed miserably.

He continued to look at the river in front of them.

She once again tried to talk to him.

“Why are you so alone?”

She meant to ask how he was feeling, but the words came out on their own.

“That’s not your business.”

His tone was so cold.

She decided to leave it at that for today and stood up.

After all, she still had tomorrow and the day after and so on to get to know him.

The third time they met went a little more smoothly.

He somehow seemed more open to the conversation.

“I don’t have anyone anymore.”

He looked down at his hands and played with his fingers.

Kagura asked what he meant by that.

But he didn’t answer.

He pulled out his book and started to read the same pages as every day.

She stayed by his side the whole day.

* * *

 

The first time she died for him was an accident.

She met him in an empty street.

He was with a group of older boys.

They didn’t seem nice and their faces screamed evil.

When they noticed Kagura, one of them shot her right in the heart.

She died, not knowing that stumbling upon them saved the boy’s life.

When she woke up on August 1st again, it was while panting heavily.

Like she had just woken up from a nightmare.

She headed to the park where she immediately noticed the mysterious boy.

She sat without asking.

This had become a habit and she didn’t feel the need to ask for permission anymore.

“I never asked, what’s your name?”

He looked at her with his beautiful red eyes, confusion taking over them.

She realized her mistake, but ignored it.

It didn’t make any difference.

She cocked her head to the side, waiting for an answer.

“Okita Sougo.”

The name fit him really well.

It was elegant.

She smiled delicately and introduced herself.

“It’s nice to meet you, Kagura.”

He smiled slightly and examined her from head to toe.

They started talking, it was casual and peaceful.

For the first time since she had been stuck in the loop, she felt at peace with herself.

She felt like everything was going to be okay.

Then the day ended.

While going back home she was struck by lightning.

The next day she once again directed her feet to Sougo’s side in the park.

She recognized him and waved to him.

“Okita!”

His head snapped up and he looked at her.

For a moment she thought he would greet her back.

But he didn’t.

“Do I know you?”

Her smile quickly vanished and her eyes filled up with water.

She tried to hide her disappointment the best she could.

But it hurt so much to be forgotten.

Especially by him.

She faked a smile and cheerfully responded.

“From another life maybe.”

* * *

 

She died for him a second time not long after.

She went out to buy some food when she saw him.

She was about to call out to him when she noticed a man talking to him.

Sougo was pushed on the ground and she saw the knife the man was holding.

She ran as fast as she could and before she knew it, she was stabbed by the stranger’s blade.

The man ran.

Sougo grabbed her face and put pressure on her wound.

“It’s gonna be okay!”

Yeah, it was.

“You’ll get through this, I swear!”

She hated to know he was going to unknowingly break his promise.

She reached her hand up to stroke his face.

He looked so beautiful in the moonlight.

His eyes were pained and his hands shaking.

“I love you, Sougo.”

And then it went dark.


	5. Chapter 5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sougo being sad...my death. Why do I do this to myself?
> 
> Enjoy:)

 

The park quickly became her favourite place in town.

Even though it was a long walk.

Even if the look of confusion in Sougo’s eyes hurt her.

She endured the pain and the sorrow it brought her.

If it was to see Sougo, she could get through it.

But she realized that it wasn’t enough for her.

She needed him to feel as close to her as she felt to him.

She basically knew everything there was to know about him.

They had long talks and he often thanked her for it.

“Talking to a stranger is easier.”

And he’d smile so gently it pained Kagura.

She was only a stranger to him.

They would never be more than that and he would never see her with the same feelings she had.

They talked about loneliness.

They shared their uneasy feeling about the world.

Kagura described her pain towards being alone.

She explained to him the best she could how lonely and not lonely she was.

He nodded and agreed.

“It seems like you want to do more than just live.”

He was right in a way.

She wanted to get out of the loop and finally live properly.

“Don’t you want to?”

She knew it was stupid to ask that.

He didn’t even realize that he repeated the same actions every day.

He didn’t know that he wasn’t living a real life.

This was normal to him.

“I’ve lived long enough. I don’t want to live anymore.”

She gasped although she was not surprised.

She knew it was because of his sister he felt that way.

He hated himself more than anyone because he somehow blamed himself.

He couldn’t save her.

He couldn’t live without her.

He felt like the world was against him because he never died.

He should have died instead of her.

He didn’t want to live like this anymore.

And as much as he couldn’t die, Kagura could only do exactly that.

They were exact contrast and even then she couldn’t help but fall deeper for him.

She wanted to alter his pain.

To make life bearable.

But she couldn’t.

So she just smiled.

“You should embrace life as much as you can. One day you will wake up and it will be all over. Whether it’s because you were cursed or not, you will realize how you never wished for it to be over. “

He simply threw a rock in the river, shaking his shoulders.

“It’s when you’ve lost everything that you realize how much it mattered to you.”

He simply nodded his head as if agreeing, but he didn’t really.

“But what if there’s nothing to expect from life anymore?”

She shook her head and grabbed his arm, turning him around to face her.

There was a hint of tears in his crimson eyes, but he washed them away.

She stared at him.

How could someone’s soul be so tainted in darkness?

She directed her stare to his lips.

Kissing him sounded good.

Right now wasn’t the moment.

But she needed to know how he tasted.

She leaned in for a kiss and he let her, not sure of what she was doing.

When their lips met, Kagura felt like finally they were connected like she always had wanted.

He tasted like coffee and fresh mint.

He was a good kisser.

She wanted to kiss him more.

She wanted to feel him close to her every day.

But it was impossible.

She came back to reality when he pushed her away.

“What are you doing? We barely know each other!”

He was angry and she couldn’t blame him.

“No, w-we, I-“

He stood up and left the park half running.

She came down from her high and her vision blurred.

She had ruined everything.

She had to make it right tomorrow.

* * *

 

The sound of her alarm woke her up yet again at 7 A.M.

She checked the day.

August 1st.

Of course, what had she expected?

She dressed up and ate her breakfast slowly.

She had to make it right to him, even though he won’t remember what happened the previous day.

She asked her mum for money and ran to the closest shop around.

She searched through the food aisle.

What would he like the most?

Chocolate would do the job.

But which one?

She picked two randomly and went up to the cashier.

“Hm, this one isn’t that good.”

She looked up and noticed he was holding up the mint flavored one.

“Oh...then maybe you can give me recommendations next time...”

She checked his name on the plaque situated on his chest.

“Gintoki.”

He smiled brightly and pushed his silver hair back.

“Yeah, sure.”

She finished paying and headed to the park where Sougo would be reading his book.

* * *

 

She directly sat beside him and shoved the milk chocolate to him.

She kept the one described as not that good to herself.

“I had too many so here.”

He hesitantly took the chocolate from her hands.

“I’m sorry.”

The words came out before she could stop them.

“For what?”

She nervously opened her chocolate and bit into it.

“Go on, eat. It will melt because of the sun.”

He ate it and complimented her taste in chocolate.

She was glad she had given him the milk chocolate because the mint flavored one was disgusting.

She noted to herself to never pick this one again.

Sougo wasn’t mad anymore and he smiled a lot at her jokes that day.

That’s all that mattered to her.


	6. Chapter 6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, let me say I'm sorry for this late update! I've been having some huge health issues (again) that are related to anxiety and stress. But for now it's calmed down so I've decided to write! I hope you all forgive me and enjoy this chapter...

 

The following days were as peaceful as they could get.

Apart from dying she found her time well spent and without accidents.

She continued to go to the park often.

Sougo was there as always.

But it’s not like it was surprising that he kept coming.

It’s not like he had a choice.

Kagura continued to go to the store a street from her house.

It was close and it had everything she needed.

She also took the habit of talking to the cashier.

He was always there, waiting for the same customers to buy the same things and pay with the same money.

“What would you recommend me to buy for a friend and me?”

It was the first thing she’d say to him upon walking in the small store.

He’d stare at her with his bored eyes and lean on the counter.

They were alone in the store at that time.

He put his chin in the palm of his hand.

“Hmm, depends. What kind of friend are we talking about here?”

She hesitated and started to walk towards the items on the counter.

“Well, I know him pretty well...but he doesn’t know me at all.”

It pained her to say it aloud.

Sougo didn’t know her.

“A guy huh? Are you some kind of stalker?”

He gasped dramatically and put his hand on his chest, as though he were shocked.

She laughed softly and silently thanked him for making her laugh.

She didn’t get to do that often in the loop.

“In all seriousness, if I was my boss I would suggest you the most expensive thing in here!”

He jumped on top of the counter and stared down at Kagura.

“But I’m just me and I’m a nice guy so let’s get you some juice!”

She frowned in curiosity and followed the silver haired man down aisle number 3.

He opened a refrigerator and pulled out two different bottles.

He lifted his right arm.

“Here we have strawberry juice! It’s simple but safe! Also my personal favourite.”

Kagura laughed again at his theatrical gestures and the way he presented the juice to her.

 He lifted his left arm.

“And here is kiwi juice. It’s different and kind of exotic if you want. Still, it’s really good, trust me!”

He handed the bottles to Kagura and smiled warmly to her.

She returned his smile and headed to the front of the store to pay for her items.

After paying she quickly advised Gintoki that she may be back later on.

“I’ll be waiting for you then.”

He ruffled her hair gently and sent her on her way.

* * *

 

She ran to the park with a smile on her face.

She was excited to see Sougo.

She was impatient to share the juice with him.

She quickly recognized him, sitting in the same spot as always.

She sat beside him and immediately handed him the kiwi juice.

“Huh?”

She smiled and insisted for him to drink it.

“Apparently it’s really good.”

He gazed at her weirdly, not sure of what to do.

Kagura realized her mistake.

“Oh! My friend ditched me so I had a plus one. I saw you and thought some juice couldn’t hurt in this hot weather.”

Sougo delicately opened the bottle and took a small sip.

Kagura was feeling nervous for some reason.

Would he like it?

Or was it disgusting?

“This is refreshing.”

His angelic voice brought her back to reality.

He looked happy.

“What flavor is this? I’ve never had it before.”

Her smile couldn’t get any bigger.

He liked it.

“It’s kiwi. So it’s good?”

He took another longer sip.

“Yeah, it is.”

She clapped her hand together and squealed in her head.

He had liked it.

* * *

 

Kagura happily strolled down the street at the end of the day.

She was heading home but then it hit her.

She had to meet with Gintoki.

She changed her path and directed her feet to the convenience store a few minutes away.

She came in just before closing.

“Oh hi there little one!”

Gintoki’s bright voice stirred her out of her bubble.

“Did your friend like the juice?”

“Yeah I gave him the Kiwi one...it was a success!”

Gintoki highed five her with a small scream.

He barely knew her and yet it felt like they were so close.

“I’m happy for you. I hope the situation works out in the end.”

She smiled sadly to the ground.

She wished for it to somehow work out too.

But now she not only wished for Sougo to remember her, but for Gintoki to as well.

She had made her own pain double up.

She kind of regretted it.

But at the same time she was glad she got to meet the weird dramatic cashier of a small unknown convenience store.

It was kind of worth it.

“Hey, are you okay? You seem down.”

Was he worried about her?

It seemed like forever ago since someone worried about her.

“Yeah, it’s nothing. But are you actually the kind of guy to get attached so easily?”

She teased him with his loving mannerism, but she was more than okay with it.

In fact, she liked it.

“I’m loving by nature!”

Yeah, she was really happy to have met him.

He felt like a brotherly presence.

Or even a dad trying his best.

Either way, she liked it.

A lot.

“Thank you, Gintoki.”

He questioned her with his stare.

“Ah, never mind.”

He looked confused for a second, but he quickly let it go.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I hope?”

She wanted to tell him that they wouldn’t actually.

Because he wouldn’t remember her.

Not her face.

Not her voice.

Not even her name.

But she didn’t have the courage.

“Of course! See you tomorrow.”

He waved at her with a smile on his face.

“Be safe out there.”

She knew she wouldn’t be.

She knew her safety wasn’t assured because she’d die.

But she smiled and nodded.

On her way home she was hit by a truck.

And she woke up at 7 A.M on August 1st.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are heart warming, it gives me strenght and helps me write so much! Thank you for everything x


	7. Chapter 7.

Kagura never loved someone as much as she loved Sougo.

Kagura had never felt something as strong as this feeling.

Sometimes it was so intense; she couldn’t even muster the courage to face him.

It was too hard on her and it crushed her soul.

She wasn’t strong enough.

So when everything was too overwhelming, she’d take herself out to the little store where Gintoki works.

It wasn’t really a permanent solution, but it sure did the job.

When she was with him, she felt somewhat safe.

It was all an illusion because she truly never was.

But it still felt good.

He greeted her as usual when he heard the sweet sound of the bell.

“Welcome, we have sales on the cookies and other things but I’m lazy to list them.”

Kagura chuckled.

He never failed to make her laugh.

“I’m surprised you still have your job.”

The older man snapped his head up; scared a complaint against him might be filled.

“Wait! I’m not like this usually, I just don’t feel good.”

He faked some coughs and grabbed his shirt to make it look like he was suffering.

But he was never sick before, so Kagura knew he was lying easily.

“Save the act, I don’t care.”

Gintoki seemed reassured and dropped his hand to his side.

“You and I could be friends.”

Kagura wished she didn’t know he was going to say that.

She wished he didn’t say that every single day.

She wished he’d say “You and I are friends.”

Or something along the lines.

“So let’s be.”

He stared at her a little surprised.

But then he agreed.

He invited her out after his shift.

“I’m out in 10 minutes; we could grab lunch with one of my friends.”

Normally Kagura wouldn’t go out with strangers she just met.

But this didn’t count.

She’d technically met him days ago and knew him pretty well.

“Sure, I’d love that.”

How many time has it been since she went out with someone?

Way too long.

* * *

 

“So this is one of my close friends, I hope you both get along.”

She scanned him from head to toe.

He had a weird aura.

Was he really from this town?

“Actually, I’m not. I come from a long way.”

He smiled politely and shook her hand rapidly.

Had he just read her mind or something?

“The look on your face was the same everybody gives me.”

How did he know she was thinking that?

He smiled again and she couldn’t help thinking he had a nice smile.

“You’ll scare her, Hijikata.”

They both laughed.

 But Kagura couldn’t stop staring at the tall man.

She’d never met him before.

 Something about him seemed off.

But she was forced out of her thoughts when Gintoki proposed to go eat.

They all agreed and entered the small restaurant.

* * *

 

The waitress was nice and pretty.

Her name tag indicated that her name was Saturobi.

But she insisted on being called Sacchan.

And she kept hitting on Gintoki.

“You’re really handsome today, Gin-chan!”

He thanked her politely, his tone slightly irritated.

Kagura couldn’t stop her laughter at the scene in front of her.

Hijikata interrupted her funny moment when he put his hand on her shoulder.

He whispered some words to her.

“How are you holding on?”

Kagura choked on her saliva and tried to process what had just happened.

Did Hijikata just ask her if she was holding on?

“What do you mean by that?”

Hijikata’s eyes shifted slightly.

“Are you talking to me?”

Wait, what was this?

“Obviously, you asked me a question first.”

He looked sincerely confused as he cocked his head to the side.

“I didn’t talk to you.”

Kagura’s mouth hung open as she stared into Hijikata’s eyes in disbelief.

She didn’t realize they were whispering until Gintoki jumped in the conversation.

“What are you whispering about? Can I know too?”

Hijikata naturally pushed the silver haired man away and sighed.

“It’s nothing.”

Gintoki shrugged it away and continued munching on his food.

And Hijikata returned to his as well, as if nothing had happened.

But Kagura had lost her appetite.

* * *

 

Kagura stayed stuck on the events for days after.

Something was definitely off with Hijikata and he knew something.

She was sure of it.

Maybe he could even help her.

She went on a search to find him.

She looked in every part of the town, asked Gintoki about him and even went over the limits of town.

But she never found him.

She assumed he was a fragment of her imagination.

Maybe even a part of a vivid dream.

She gave up on him after realizing how useless this whole thing was.

It didn’t make a difference.

She would still be stuck in the loop.

She wasn’t getting out anytime soon.

She knew that all too well by now.

* * *

 

She went back to the restaurant she was at a few days ago alone.

There weren’t many customers and the soft music they played was comforting.

She spotted Sacchan coming in for her shift.

She called her over.

“Hi, what can I do for you?”

Kagura simply tapped the seat beside her, silently inviting her to sit.

The purple haired girl obliged and sat with her.

“How do you know Gintoki and Hijikata?”

Sarutobi became excited at the name of Gintoki.

“They’re both regulars here and they are sooo sweet and handsome! Especially Gin-san, don’t you think?”

She couldn’t care less.

What caught her attention was that she knew Hijikata.

So he was real.

“Tell me more about Hijikata, please.”

Sacchan seemed disappointed.

“Well he arrived in town not long ago from...I don’t know actually. He’s kind of awkward but it makes his charms. He’s Gintoki’s roommate!”

Kagura was satisfied with this and thanked her for the information before leaving in a hurry.

She ran in the street, rain pouring down on her.

She had to get to him, Hijikata, to finally have some closure on what was happening in the loop.

She needed to know everything, anything, so badly.

But before she could get to know him, an arrow pierced her through the chest.

She came to an alt, shocked and in pain.

So much pain.

So much _blood._

She fell to her knees.

She tried to get the arrow out.

She grunted in pain.

She screamed at the hurt.

She whimpered as more blood poured out of her chest.

She was finally getting to a conclusion.

She thought he’d be over soon.

The loop, the sadness and everything.

But this arrow had ruined everything.

She screamed again, cursed and hit the ground in despair.

She couldn’t die right now.

Because there was no tomorrow.

Nothing was certain.

It could all go wrong again.

She moaned in pain and finally let herself be taken over by darkness.

There was no point anyway.

Struggling was useless.

The loop was the only thing she knew now.

The loop didn’t have mercy.

She was stuck, forever.

There was no way out.

Loneliness would be her only friend.

This wasn’t a big deal, right?

She closed her eyes and she fell down a deep sleep.

Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been feeling quite...under confident with this. I don't think I'm living up to your expectations and I feel like I'm not good enough at writing, not talented enough for this...I don't want to let you down. It's a constant fear, I'm afraid you're not satisified with what I write and...idk I've just been feeling self-conscious and...argh...am I enough? Is this worthy, should I really continue this fic? Please tell me I just don't know what to do yall..


	8. Not an update, read below.

Hi.

First of all, I am very sorry if you got excited or happy or whatever upon seeing I had updated this fic. But this isn't an update, just something I had to say to all of you.

I didn't have any means to tell you so I was kind of forced to do it here, and I really didn't want you all to wait for another chapter for forever.

Okay, so long story short I'm depressed. I am a depressed person and ever since college started it's been worse. I didn't want it to come to this, I don't want to stop writing for this fic. I enjoy writing it and I enjoy hearing about your feedback. But right now I can't do it.

I know last time I asked if this fic was enough and I realize it is and you want me to continue it. So I don't want to completely stop it.

So, the main goal of this post is to inform you all that I'll be taking a hiatus. I'm doing this to avoid the possibility of having to stop entirely. Writing this has made me more depressed because in a way it helps me vent, but it can make me very sad as well, which doesn't help me at all.

It's been really bad the past few weeks and even if I want to pretend it isn't there, it doesn't just go away. I feel bad and sad that I'm doing this. I wish I could be fine and keep going, but I'm not strong enough, unfortunately.

I am so very very sorry that it has to come to this. I tried my best for it to not come that far, but it still wasn't enough.

As for people who read 'Sup bitches, I am not taking a hiatus for that fic (as it is more light hearted), but the chapters will come less frequently. Instead of being once a week, it'll be more like every two weeks.

Once again, I am so sorry and if you want to drop this fic, it's totally okay I understand.

I just wanted to make an official statement about it and not let you all in the dark.

I am so grateful for the support I've received, you're all amazing.

I will be back, I promise. I want to be back as soon as possible, because I love this fic and I know you do too.

Thank you for reading this far and again, I'm sorry for letting you down.

I love you, see you all later ♡ ♡


	9. Chapter 8.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. I'm back from the hiatus. I've been working on myself and the strenght to write this came back to me. Truly, I missed writing this fic. It's good to be back. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the next chapters.
> 
> Thank you!

She woke up yet again at the awfully loud sound of her clock’s alarm.

It ringed into her ears and it didn’t stop until she pressed the button snooze.

But something was wrong.

The clock didn’t show 7 a.m.

It was 8 a.m.

She had woken up an hour late.

No, that was wrong.

The alarm started ringing only at 8 a.m.

She didn’t program it.

Something had changed.

Somehow, Kagura had managed to change something in the loop.

She had broken a pattern.

The clock rang an hour late.

Did the change of event happen to be related to Hijikata?

Was their meeting significant enough to change a constant in the loop?

Was he an important key to solving her situation?

She quickly wrote the change in her notebook and ran out of the house to set on a search of Hijikata.

She had died the previous day trying to find him.

The same fate may be awaiting her today.

But she didn’t care.

She had all the time in the world.

She ended up in front of the restaurant where Sacchan worked.

The place was still as empty as ever.

It’s almost as if Gintoki was the only client there.

She never saw anyone else eating there.

She brushed it off and set her pace faster.

She was jogging around town, looking for Hijikata’s familiar face.

She was looking for a familiar face and she found one.

Except it wasn’t the one she was looking for.

Just in front of the library was standing the all too familiar sandy haired head of her long time crush.

Okita Sougo was standing in town.

In front of the library.

This wouldn’t be a big deal if this wasn’t the loop we were talking about right now.

It was barely ten in the morning.

Sougo was still sitting under the tree in the park on the other side of town at this hour.

He was supposed to be reading page ninety eight of his book at this hour.

He was supposed to smile at the funny passage in his book at his hour.

He was _not_ supposed to be here.

Kagura panicked.

She feared he might get in danger.

She ran up to him, waving her hands frantically in front of her to gather his attention.

“What are you doing here?” She was practically screaming and everyone turned around to look at her.

Sougo looked confused and she thought she had seen him with this look on his face way too often.

“Excuse me? Who are you?” She sighed.

“This might sound weird, but I have a bad feeling! You have to get out of here, please!” She was begging him. He need to get back to the park.

She didn’t know where this was coming from, but she knew today was not like any other days.

Her instinct was screaming at her to get him to safety.

But who would listen to a stranger so blindly?

“Why?” She felt like crying.

“Just trust me, it isn’t safe here!” Now she was screaming. At the top of her lungs.

It’s like he didn’t hear her. She was talking to a wall.

“I have to meet a friend, I can’t leave.” He was annoyed. A lunatic was yelling at him to leave. Kagura would have reacted the same way.

“Just go back to the park!” His eyes dilated.

“How do you know I hang out in a park?” She was tempted to spill out everything to him.

The past weeks, months, years, she didn’t even know herself.

But this would only result in her death.

“Please, just trust me!” She was desperate and his face changed from being annoyed to being pitiful towards her.

“I’m sorry, but I think you have the wrong person.” He looked behind her and waved with a smile. “Over here!”

Kagura turned around slightly and she immediately recognized him.

His black outfit was the same as the first time she met him.

Hijikata.

Time felt like it stopped completely.

Their eyes met for a brief second.

She tried not to react, but failed miserably when she realized her fists were clenched and held up high.

Sougo shook his head and grabbed Hijikata’s arm before entering the library.

Kagura watched them sit down by the window and talk happily.

Hijikata had appeared right when she was looking for him.

With Sougo.

Far from the park.

What did all of this even mean?

What was happening to her?

Why was it getting so complicated?

Another constant had been broken.

First, her alarm rang an hour late.

Then, Sougo appeared _miles_ away from the park.

He never left the park before noon before, unless Kagura forced him to.

Was it related to Hijikata again?

A million questions were running in her mind.

But she didn’t have any answers or anyone to answer them.

* * *

 

An hour went by.

Sougo was still inside the library, whispering with Hijikata close by the window.

Kagura was observing them, trying to read their lips.

Sougo had no idea she was there, staring like a perfect stalker.

But Hijikata kept turning around just enough to see her and smirk.

He would smirk and act like nothing happened before continuing his small talk.

It was annoying Kagura.

What did he know?

She couldn’t take it anymore.

Watching them from afar was torture.

She stood up and crossed the street.

A car was coming in her direction.

She didn’t have time to dodge.

She would die, yet again, so close to the truth.

She closed her eyes tightly and waited for the impact.

It never came.

The car’s course changed in the blink of an eye.

It all happened so fast.

It crashed into another car.

Both of them exploded in a mess of flames.

Debris were everywhere, pedestrians were lying on the ground, bloody and screaming.

Yelling for their lives, yelling for their children’s lives.

She saw Sougo run out, followed by Hijikata.

He looked alert, panicked.

He tried to help people.

He was attending every voice he heard.

Kagura did the same.

Sougo noticed her and abandoned what he was doing to walk up to her.

They met amidst all the chaos around them.

Sougo looked angry.

“How did you know?” It was his turn to yell at her. She didn’t answer. “Answer me! How did you know something was going to happen?”

The noise around them disturbed the conversation, but Kagura did her best to understand him.

“I didn’t know.”

“Then why did you tell me to leave? Did you cause this?” He seemed shocked and Kagura didn’t want him to misunderstand.

“No! This…this wasn’t planned. This never happened before, no one else ever died…”

“What?”

She didn’t know what to do.

“It was always just me! Why is everyone dying? It’s supposed to be _me_ only!”

“Were you injured? Are you o-“ He didn’t finish his sentence when the gunshots resonated through all the chaos.

Suddenly, every sound stopped.

Everyone stopped screaming and waited.

More gunshots.

People were looking around, looking at each other.

Then another explosion happened.

The library went up in flames.

Kagura thought the loop was crumbling down.

This world was falling apart and it was probably her fault.

“We need to run.” Sougo didn’t agree.

“How can we leave everyone here? Are you crazy?” She grabbed his hand.

“We don’t have time!”

And they truly didn’t have any.

A bullet lodged itself in the ground just beside Kagura’s feet.

Sougo brought them down and hid them behind debris.

“What is happening?” He was scared.

Kagura was too.

She peaked up and was directly met with a man all dressed up in black.

His face was covered with a mask and he wore sunglasses.

He was holding a gun.

He was shooting all of these innocent people.

She felt guilty.

He was probably looking for her.

She walked out of their hiding.

She screamed loudly to make sure he heard her.

“I’m here! Come and kill me!” He turned his head around and stared at her.

“It’s me! I’m the one you’re looking for!” He walked up to her.  Slowly.

They weren’t even ten feet apart when he stopped himself.

“I’m sorry I had to do this.” He spoke. It was a man.

“What?” She didn’t understand what he meant.

He held his arm up, aiming for her heart.

She clenched her fists.

She closed her eyes.

She bit her lip until it started bleeding.

She had been shot before.

She knew the pain, it was okay.

The gunshot was awfully loud, but never did it hit her.

Did the shooter miss?

She slowly opened an eye and then two.

Sougo.

He was standing in front of her, arms wide open.

His body was shaking.

Kagura caught him just before he hit the ground.

Blood was coming out of his mouth and the hole in his chest proved he took the bullet for her.

She started crying really hard. She grabbed his face and forced him to look at her.

“No, no, no, no, no, no!” Her hands were fumbling, searching for a reaction.

“You might not come back, you can’t die! You can’t, oh god, oh god!”

There was so much blood.

It wasn’t stopping, no matter how hard she tried.

“Sougo, don’t leave me! Don’t you fucking dare die here!”

He opened his eyes slightly.

He coughed blood.

Something in his eyes changed.

He looked heavy with sadness.

“K-Kagura?”

Kagura sobbed loudly.

“Yes, it’s me, I’m Kagura! You remember me?” He remembered her.

“The park…”

The tears were blocking her view and when she wiped them, more kept coming.

“Yes, the park where we met. Sougo, you know who I am?”

He choked on all the blood. His eyes started to close.

“No, no, no! Don’t do this to me, Sougo please!” But there was nothing to do.

He died there, in her arms, trying to protect her.

Even if he didn’t know who she was.

But it was in vain.

“Idiot…I’ll die anyway.” She whispered to him, her forehead pressed against his, tears falling onto his pale face.

“I’m sorry it had to come to this.” The shooter spoke again.

Then, everything turned black.


	10. Chapter 9.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short as all hell, but I will post another chapter like tomorrow or monday so be patient!!! ENjoy

Her waking was much slower than usual that morning.

Other times it just felt like it was the right thing to do, wake up and live the same day again.

But when the clock showed 8 a.m. and rang, everything felt wrong.

Kagura’s body was heavy and she couldn’t lift her arm no matter how hard she tried to.

Her ears were ringing even louder than the alarm on her bedside.

She couldn’t see further than the top of her nose.

She couldn’t talk, she couldn’t even move her lips.

She thought it was another variable of the loop.

Waking up weird instead of lightly.

But then she noticed the walls.

They were white, blinding.

And she finally understood that the ringing in her ears was in fact, due to a machine beside her.

Even an idiot could understand what was going on.

She was in a hospital, which didn’t make sense at all.

She had died with Sougo by her side yesterday.

She should have woken up in her room.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

She started to panic and the machines around her followed the movement as they made a lot of noise and beeping.

Two nurses came in running and upon seeing Kagura’s opened eyes, screamed at the top their lungs.

If she was able to talk, Kagura would have told them to shut up.

An old man entered the room followed by two redheads.

No need to see far away to know it was her mum and Kamui.

As the presumed doctor checked her vitals, her vision came back slowly.

The first thing she noticed was her mum’s red eyes and Kamui’s messy hair.

She turned her head to the side and noticed the heavy rain falling outside.

Rain.

It’s been a while since she saw rain fall from the sky, since it’s always sunny in the loop.

She smiled happily because she liked rain way better compared to the sun.

Wait.

It was raining.

But it’s supposed to be sunny.

Her limbs felt like they immediately came back to life as panic settled in.

She waved her hands frantically and imitated the movement of a pen and drew a sheet in the air.

The doctor explained quickly that she may have difficulty talking for the moment being while passing her what she asked for.

She wrote with her worst handwriting, “What is the date?”

Her mum checked her phone. “Sweetie, its August 26th. You’ve been out for nearly a month…”

She didn’t add anything as Kagura gasped. Her eyes filled up with tears and she started to mumble incomprehensible words.

“Kagura, calm down. You didn’t miss much, don’t worry.” The doctor totally aimed for a reassuring tone, but she felt more freaked out than anything.

A nurse spoke out and told her the medication should kick in and she’d soon fall asleep.

Everyone left as Kagura continued to cry.

* * *

 

Her voice came back barely a day later.

Her family was gathered around her, asking questions about the night she was shot.

Kamui did all the talking, as he was the most emotionally stable right now.

“Did you provoke the guy or something?”

“No.”

“Then why did he shoot you? Just for fucking fun?”

Kagura stopped listening to him.

She always wanted to get out of the loop, but now that she was in the real world, she felt uncomfortable.

“Was it…all a dream?”

“What did you say?”

She was talking to herself and Kamui seemed concerned.

“Did the meds make me hallucinate while I was in a coma?”

“What are you talking about?”

His voice was simply a small ringing in her ears as a thousand of questions wandered in her head.

No it was all too real.

This couldn’t be a simple dream.

If she understood right, she was found in an empty street late at night, bleeding out.

Just like the first time she died in the loop.

So if she entered the loop by dying once, right now, all she had to do was…

“I need to die.”

She didn’t want to die for real.

She wanted to see Gintoki, Sougo, Sacchan and even Hijikata.

She had a feeling they were in danger somehow, and they needed her help.

She had to die.

She didn’t realize she was talking out loud until she noticed Kamui’s scream and her mum’s loud sobs.

“Yah! Are you crazy, you punk? Why would you say that?”

She stared at him while subtly unplugging the machines from her body.

“I’m sorry. I’ll be back, I swear.”

She ran out of the room, with Kamui quick behind her.

“I’m so sorry!” She screamed and climbed the stairs up to the roof.

She rapidly made her way to the hospital’s highest point and looked down.

She was assured to die like this.

There was no denying it.

Loud steps echoed on the floor and she took a quick glance.

Kamui, the hospital’s staff and her dad were all staring at her in worry.

“Kagura, get down, c’mon. You don’t have to do this, it’s okay.” Kamui tried to be gentle with his words.

“I have to. I have to go and save them.” She turned around and looked down once more.

She took a step forward.

“KAGURA!”

She just hoped it would work.


	11. Chapter 10.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are not a lot of chapters left. I'd say...ten or less. Enjoy!

She woke up with sweat dripping down her forehead.

Her hands were shaking and her lips trembling.

She touched her head and her whole body.

She was there.

She jumped in fright when her mum entered the room.

“Hurry up, Kagura! You’re walking if you miss the bus.”

She brought her hand to her mouth to hide her surprise.

Her dad dropped his cup of coffee, causing a huge racket.

She heard Kamui trip down the last few stairs and curse loudly.

She knew what was to come next.

“Mum, he’s bleeding, go to him.”

Her mum tilted her head to the side and ran to Kamui, only to see his bleeding knee.

“Kagura, how did yo-” But she didn’t finish her sentence as Kagura ran out of the front door, her feet immediately taking her to the park.

Her watch indicated 9 a.m. when she reached the park.

Sougo would be hiding under the tall tree in front of the river.

He would be reading his book with frowned eyebrows and he’d scoff at the main character’s stupidity.

Then it hit her.

He had died too.

He’d died trying to save her.

She didn’t find him in the park.

The tree was sitting all alone in the corner.

Kagura could even go as far as saying it looked sad.

So she set on a search for Sougo.

She didn’t know where he lived or if he enjoyed spending time in a particular place.

Hell, she didn’t even know if he was even alive.

But she still ran around town, trying to focus on her mission.

The heavy tears in her eyes didn’t help her much.

She was scared.

She hoped nothing happened to him.

She hoped he didn’t meet the same fate as she did so many time before.

It was useless.

The day was coming to an end and Sougo was still missing.

She decided to call it a day and headed home.

On her way back, she was met with the flamboyant sign of the store Gintoki works at.

Her smile grew huge as she ran towards it.

The bell above the door rang loudly as she smashed the door open.

Gintoki jumped and screamed at the sudden intrusion.

“What the hell?” She smiled and started to cry yet again.

It felt like it had been years since she saw him.

And even while he was standing there, dumbfounded and confused, she couldn’t help but feel happy.

She walked to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

She sobbed loudly and stuck her head onto his chest.

“I missed you so much, god, I missed you.”

Gintoki awkwardly brought his hand up to pet her head gently.

She knew he’d react this way.

He was so soft and gentle.

Even though she was a stranger.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

She shook her head.

“No, no you don’t.”

He laughed.

“Do you know me then?”

She laughed in between her sobs and nodded.

“You’re my best friend in the whole world.”

He grabbed her shoulders and stared down at her.

“You’re weird, you know that?”

She laughed again and wiped her tears off.

“Yeah, I’ve been told.”

He smiled. “Good.”

The conversation ended there when the only customer interrupted them.

“Gintoki, hurry up damn it.”

Kagura froze.

She knew that voice way too well.

“Calm down, damn.”

He turned around and that’s when their eyes met.

His deep blue piercing eyes.

The eyes that threatened her every time she met them.

And their owner, Hijikata, in all his glory.

He seemed as shocked to see her as her to see him.

He pointed an accusatory finger at her.

“What are you doing here? I sent you back!”

“What?”

Gintoki wasn’t moving.

Wait, why isn’t he moving?

“Gintoki?! Are you alright?” She touched his face, searching for a reaction.

But there was nothing. Not even the blink of an eye.

“Leave him, I just froze the time.”

She screamed. “You what?!”

“Are you stupid? I froze time!”

She sighed angrily. “I know, but how?”

“Now, don’t get greedy, you’re lucky to even be here. I’d watch what I say if I were you.” His sassy tone didn’t help her anger.

“Who- no. What are you?”

He blatantly laughed in her face. “You think you deserve to know? Silly girl.”

“I think I’m more than deserving than anyone. How many time have I spent in the loop?”

“Loop? Is this what you think this is?” He laughed heartedly. “And to be exact, you have spent 855 days here.”

Her heart felt like it dropped to the ground.

That’s…impossible.

“But you’re a stubborn girl, aren’t you? I sent you back and you still found a way in! Your parents never taught you to knock on the front door before coming in someone else’s house? Huh?”

Kagura didn’t understand. What was he talking about? Who is he?

But this wasn’t her priority at the moment.

“Is Sougo alive? He never did anything wrong!”

That sent Hijikata into a fit of laughter. He hit his knee and grabbed his chest to calm himself. Or at least try to.

“You are finally right about something! Poor Sougo never did a single thing wrong. You, on the other hand…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

He let it in suspense and snapped his fingers.

Time unfroze and Hijikata disappeared.

Kagura was crying and Gintoki looked more confused than ever.

“Where’s Hijikata?”

Kagura ran out of the store and screamed Sougo’s name as loudly as she could.

She strained her voice screaming at the top of her lungs.

She dropped to her knees and cried even harder than before.

“Make it stop…” Her heart hurt. “Please just make it stop!”

And even if she didn’t know who she was praying to, she hoped someone heard her.

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 11.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost a month since the last update...I'm so sorry. College really is taking all my time! Nonetheless, I dearly hope you all enjoy this chapter.

Kagura spent the next days lying in her bed.

She told her mum she was sick again and again.

And at the end of the day, out of nowhere, she’d die from a heart attack.

She’d wake up lying in the same bed she died in.

She couldn’t find it in her to stand up and face another day.

After her talk with Hijikata, she understood that she had made the wrong choice by coming back.

She should have stayed in the real world with her real family.

Because now she was stuck in the loop again, more confused than ever and with no way out.

She didn’t have the strength to find out what this place was _really._

So she kept doing nothing and dying.

* * *

 

A week and a half had gone by since her meeting with Hijikata.

Her family was out and Kagura still pretending to be sick.

Someone entered the house downstairs and it wasn’t supposed to happen.

No one came here before 6 p.m.

But before she could react, someone barged into the room.

The person was dressed in black from head to toe and they were holding a gun.

Kagura immediately identified the person to be the man who attacked the town.

She jumped on her feet and searched for something to defend herself, but noting would have been useful against a gun.

“Are you here to kill me again?”

The man took his mask and his hood off.

He had long black hair and, contrary to what Kagura would have thought, soft eyes.

“No.”

She tilted her head, staring at the hand holding the weapon.

He took notice of her gaze and threw the gun on the bed.

“I’m here to tell you something.”

Kagura was hesitant. She didn’t know if she could trust him.

“My name’s Katsura and I want to tell you that Sougo’s okay.”

Her eyes filled with water and her sight was blurry.

“H-he isn’t hurt?”

He shook his head and smiled.

“I gotta go.”

She didn’t want him to leave. Not yet. She had more questions.

Her eyes were trying to focus on something, anything, but her mind was running wild.

“I have time for one question only.”

The man that went by the name Katsura held up one finger in the air and motioned for her to go on.  

But one question was too vague. She had a million ones. What is this place exactly? How can she go back? Who is Hijikata? What did she do wrong?

After reflecting on the right one, she finally settled for one question and one only.

“Where’s Sougo?”

The man smiled sadly.

“You could’ve asked me anything, don’t you want to know who Hijikata is or information about the loop?”

Tears fell down her cheeks slowly as she struggled to find words.

“I just love him too much I guess.” She tried to smile back at Katsura.

He nodded as if he understood her decision, pat her head gently and whispered the words she had been waiting for.

* * *

 

She noticed yet another variable in the loop.

The heavy rain and thunder tearing the sky apart.

The roads were slippery and that made it difficult for her to run fast.

Still, nothing was going to stop her from finding the man she loved so deeply.

_“He’s sitting in the library. He’s been waiting for you for quite some time, don’t make him wait any longer.”_

Katsura, the man who helped her so much, had told her.

He’s waiting for you, he said.

He’s been for a long time.

The thought made her run faster and because of the rain, she slipped and landed on her knees.

They were bleeding and bruised up, but she brushed it off and got up again.

She’d never been more determined to go somewhere.

She never ran that fast before.

She never craved to see someone else’s face before.

Love tended to do this to you.

But when she arrived at the library, there was nothing but a big hole in between two buildings.

Was this all a big joke?

She stopped a woman who was hiding under her umbrella.

“Excuse me, what happened to the building that was here?”

She seemed to be in shock for a second and quickly regained her composure.

“Oh, you mean the library? They moved it two streets down because the place wasn’t suited for it. Why do you ask?”

A sigh of relief escaped her.

She thanked the woman and started running again.

Finally, after what seemed to be hours, the library came into view.

And right in the front, sitting beside the window, was Sougo.

He looked as bored as ever.

Kagura couldn’t contain it.

The bell rang loudly as she entered and her feet heavy with water, dragged her to Sougo’s seat.

She threw herself in his arms, wet from head to toe.

She touched his hair, his shoulders, his face and stared at his eyes.

“You’re really okay, you really are…he wasn’t lying.”

At the realization that she was basically sitting in his lap and touching him she grew embarrassed and got off of him.

He was now as wet as her, a shocked look stapled on his face.

That’s when she realized he didn’t know her.

Contrary to what she had believed, he didn’t recognize who she was.

He had absolutely no clue.

To him, this was a crazy stranger hugging him out of nowhere.

And he looked frustrated.

“You- how dare you!”

She flinched at the words. What had she done?

“You think I’m going to accept this?”

He threw an accusatory finger in her direction and gritted his teeth.

Everyone in the library was looking at them, curious eyes following their every movement.

Kagura wanted to dig a hole and hide in it for the rest of her life.

She was staring at the ground, her pupils shaking as she felt the tears gathering in her eyes.

She expected him barge out and disappear forever.

But instead, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, than two.

He brought her close to his chest and ran a hand down her back.

“You think I’m going to accept this? You, coming to me so late? I’ve been waiting for nearly two weeks now…”

She buried her head in his chest, trying to calm her sobs down.

But it wouldn’t stop.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, I remember now.”

This triggered another fit of sobs, stronger than before.

Her shoulders were shaking in sync with her crying.

“You’ve been through a lot all this time. I’m sorry.”

She wanted to answer, but she was incapable of doing so, the words were caught in her throat.

“It’s going to be okay from now on. I’m here now.”

She believed him with everything she had.

Kagura believed every word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading lovelies


	13. Chapter 12.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite softer than the previous ones...the calm before the storm, as they say. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Kagura stayed in Sougo’s arms for long minutes.

She couldn’t feel the curious gaze of strangers anymore.

The only that mattered in this moment was the warmth enveloping her.

The warmth she had been waiting to feel.

She inhaled his scent.

She touched his back slightly.

She reached up to graze his hair.

She wanted to feel everything about him.

She wanted to print every detail she’d miss in her head.

The way his hair were unevenly cut.

The pattern of his breath.

The muscles on his back.

The soft familiar scent he wore.

As if he was home.

She liked to think of him as home.

He was the only thing she’d ever want to return to.

He was the only thing that truly mattered.

At the thought, Sougo hummed.

“So I’m like home?”

He laughed.

Embarrassed, she hid her face in his chest.

She’d express her thoughts aloud.

“I’m sorry.” She felt his body shake, meaning he disagreed.

“It’s okay. You’re home to me too.” He detached his body from hers and grabbed her shoulders.

They stared at each other.

Sougo felt at ease at this moment.

Kagura felt like everything suddenly made sense.

She didn’t have any answer for her questions.

But when he held her, it’s like every piece of the puzzle fit.

Nothing was as important as him.

Lost in her reverie, she didn’t hear Sougo at first.

“We have a lot to talk about.” He repeated for the third time.

She nodded and moved to the side so they could sit down.

She wanted to just stare at him for a while, but Sougo was more impatient.

He wanted answers.

Answers Kagura wouldn’t be able to provide.

Because she lived in ignorance too.

But she promised she’d try her best to make him understand.

“What’s this place?” Kagura sighed.

“I call it the loop. I’m not sure why I am, or anyone is, here. The answers I were given were quite…vague as well. I’m sorry.” She was offered a gentle smile from the sandy haired man.

“It’s more than okay.” She smiled too, waiting for the next question.

She expected another question in the same genre. Something about the loop.

“How have you been doing?”

The question was so simple.

It was so honest and filled with concern,

And it had been so long since anyone asked her how she was doing.

It had been so long since someone showed concern for her.

The tears she had just barely calmed down resurfaced.

She apologized and wiped her cheeks.

She sobbed and hid her face in her elbow.

She didn’t want Sougo to see her yet again in this state.

As she tried to stop the tears, she felt a presence beside her.

“You really must have been through a lot, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t remember nor help you.”

Ten minutes passed until she was able to talk.

“Be honest with me…tell me everything that’s happened.” Sougo was sincere with his words and he wanted to know everything about her situation, from the beginning.

Kagura went on a tale of death and confusion.

She explained how she first noticed him and what she did with him.

But he remembered the time they spent together.

She described Hijikata and her meetings with Gintoki.

She showed him her scar less body.

She depicted to him her sadness, her loneliness and her disappointment.

She also talked about the time she was able to go back in the real world.

And he listened to everything.

He listened and asked questions to have a better understanding.

Once her story was over, they sat and waited.

Kagura hesitated about asking him a question.

She was scared of the answer that could follow.

“Hum, Sougo?” He stirred himself out of his thoughts and blinked slowly in her direction.

He was attentive now. There wasn’t any backing out.

“Do you…love me?”

And sure, there were more important questions to ask right now.

But she didn’t find it in her to care.

He smiled.

A huge smile with his teeth showing.

He was really beautiful.

“I do.”

Her heart melted.

She never felt happier than in this moment.

Even if this was all just a cruel dream.

Even if tomorrow she woke up and he didn’t remember again.

Even if she died right now.

She would still be happy.

After all she’d been through, she knew his words weren’t a lie.

He loved her.

Maybe not as much as she did, but he still loved her.

And that was enough.

The simple “I do” was enough.

Sougo was enough.

“Do you?” He caught her off guard.

Did she?

Did she love him?

Sougo, the man who gave a purpose to continue through hell?

He, who comforted her even when he didn’t know her?

She loved him more than words could ever do her justice.

She loved him more than breathing.

She loved him so much, even if the world stopped turning she wouldn’t notice as long as she was with him.

She loved him.

It was indescribable.

“Yes.”

Once again, they stared at each other like they were the only ones who existed.

Kagura was happy.

But she knew all too well that her time was limited.

The day was ending.

She would die soon.

And tomorrow was uncertain.

“I’ll have to go soon.”

“I know.”

Neither of them moved.

“What if you don’t die?”

“It’s inevitable.”

Sougo looked pained.

He knew that Kagura would die and it hurt him.

He also knew that he could wake up tomorrow with no memory of tonight.

“Promise me you’ll remember.”

He couldn’t be sure that he’d do.

Everything they’d built today could all go into dust the very next day.

She knew it too.

She was selfish to ask this out of him.

“We’ll meet at the tree again, right? Promise me.”

He teared his gaze off of Kagura for the first time in a while.

They both knew it would be a worthless promise.

But hope was the only thing they had left.

“I promise I’ll remember and meet you at the tree.”

Her mouth smiled, but her eyes were drowning in sadness.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all doing well, lovelies. The fic is almost at 100 kudos which is amazing! I never imagined the fic to come this far or to even be appreciated...thank you for support i love you all!!!


	14. Chapter 13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is coming to a climax soon, oof
> 
> enjoy

She didn’t even take the time to change in decent clothes before heading out.

The moment of truth awaited her and soon she’d know if she was really cursed.

Something was wrong though.

As soon as she stepped out of her house, the air changed.

Her vision blurred and the world, for a second, felt like it was turning.

When her eyes focused again, she couldn’t see the trees and the street.

She was in a white room, no furniture nor another person to be seen.

The white was blinding her and she felt dizzy.

“Did you think you’d get away from me for so long?”

She jumped in fright and quickly turned around, fists held high.

Hijikata was standing there, hands in his pockets and a cigarette hanging on his pale lips.

“Did you think you’d be safe? Because Sougo _magically_ remembered?”

Her limbs were shaking and she could already feel her eyes get teary.

No, not this time, she thought.

She wouldn’t cry.

“If he remembered that’s all that matters to me.”

Hijikata laughed.

“You should thank your friend, the reaper, for giving them to him.”

She knew he was talking about Katsura, the man in black.

“He did that?”

She wanted to see him again, to really thank him for everything he did for her.

But Hijikata scoffed, dropped his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it.

“Yeah, at the cost of his own life.”

He gestured to his foot and twisted it on the cigarette with his teeth gritted.

Kagura gasped, her hand on her mouth and the water in her eyes getting more difficult to control.

“H-how could you do that? He was a good person!”

Something in Hijikata’s eyes shifted. She knew it occurred badly for her.

“A good person? Let me fucking laugh. He was a reaper! It’s been his job to kill for forever. And one little girl changed that? Suddenly, he wanted to save someone? Nuh huh.”

He pointed his finger at her.

“If you break the rules, you pay. You should know that.”

She froze. This couldn’t mean what she thought it meant.

“What do you mean?”

He smirked.

“You know who also broke the rules? Your boyfriend. He remembered you, that’s against the rules, darling.”

She was crying, her hands trembling and breathing getting more and more difficult.

“No, please! He didn’t do anything he shouldn’t have! It was my fault!”

“I know damn well it was your fault. Everything’s always your fault! You always ruin everything, you silly little thing!”

Suddenly, the decor changed.

They were in a gray room with a mirror in front of them.

A light switched and the mirror turned into a window.

And on the other side of the window was standing Sougo.

Their eyes met and they both ran to the window.

Their hands were searching for each other in a hopeless attempt to feel the warmth of the other.

Sougo just wanted to touch her and see her safe.

Kagura, on the other hand, knew her time was counted.

“Sougo? Can you hear me?”

He shook his head, not sure what she asked.

But Kagura could hear him.

“Kags? I can’t hear you, what are you saying?”

Her heart broke and she felt lost.

“I’m going to get you out of there. I’m going to save you, Sougo, I swear it on my life.”

He couldn’t make out what she said and she knew.

“I’m so sorry I got you in all of this. I’m going to save you, I promise.”

Hijikata, who had been silent until now, clapped in his hands.

“Nice number you’re giving me right now.”

Kagura sighed.

“Why are you doing this to me? To us?”

He seemed quite taken back and Kagura swore she saw him relive a memory of his.

“I don’t even know you, I’m begging you, please enlighten me! What did I ever do to deserve this?”

At this moment, Kagura knew the man in front of her wasn’t playing anymore games.

“Well, I guess it’s story time, isn’t it? Perhaps you’ll regret ever asking me this question.”

Sougo looked confused and he was hitting the window.

“Kagura, what’s happening?”

She looked at him and closed her eyes.

“I’m listening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl my dudes but i've been doing quite horrible these past few...months and writing didn't come to me as easily as it used too. But I'm trying hard and I wrote this chapter and the next one is already started so I'll probably have it posted next week. Sory for not updating for a while, I didn't mean to. Since this is my first post of 2018, I hope all of you are doing great and thank you for 100 kudos! Really appreciate all the love xo


	15. Chapter 14.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> violence, blood and swearing warning
> 
> flashbacks woooo

_“Toushirou!” His brother’s voice was way too loud for his sensible ears._

_“Fuck’s sake, brother, I asked you to stop screaming when I’m already so close.”_

_“Eh, sorry!” He laughed and wrapped his arm around Hijikata’s shoulders._

_They walked down the path in front of them, greeting the few people they met._

_Their village was quite poor and they weren’t a lot living there._

_But their lives were peaceful and quiet._

_The queen didn’t pay much attention to them and often neglected them._

_That wasn’t a problem to anyone, though._

_Since she forgot about them, they weren’t forced to get involved in war unlike the rest of the kingdom._

_Hijikata Toushirou lived a happy life with his brother Tamegorou and the girl he secretly liked, Okita Mitsuba._

_Even when the fields died out and the rain didn’t come for days._

_They still found happiness in each other._

_And today the skies were gray, the hint of a storm considerable._

_The brothers didn’t care._

_Rain was nothing but an amusement to them and it gave them great opportunities to play around._

_Mitsuba joined them in their walk a bit later._

_Her smile shining so brightly that Hijikata could have sworn the sun was out._

_When he thought back to this moment, he wished someone would have told him it was the last good moment he’d live._

_So that he could have prevented it, perhaps._

_Or maybe he would have wanted to memorize every detail of the last day he had spent with the people he loved the most._

_Maybe._

_But life wasn’t made like that and no one helped you in your last moments._

_Everything was perfect that day._

_The rain even held back in the clouds and spared them of a cold._

_Hijikata’s heart felt light._

_He had even dared holding Mitsuba’s hand, a big red blush apparent on his cheeks._

_Tamegorou didn’t find it in himself to shut up._

_“Oh would you look at those two little love birds!” He skipped his feet childishly and whistled softly._

_“Shut up, Tamegorou.” Toushirou gritted his teeth in embarrassment._

_But he didn’t let go of Mitsuba’s hand._

_She squeezed his hand and looked up at him._

_“Toshi, you’re a nice man.” She smiled so gently, Hijikata felt like he was in heaven._

_He smiled back, a little bit more aggressively, but without malice._

_He felt awkward that his older brother was watching intensely._

_“Let’s go.” They continued their walk until they reached their small house._

_You couldn’t call that a house, actually._

_It was more of a hut, a place where they slept._

_It wasn’t big enough to have other activities than that inside._

_But they still liked and cherished it as their home._

_This was the place they’d forever come back to._

* * *

_The same night, heavy steps were heard coming towards their village._

_They were isolated, no one ever came here accidentally._

_Especially not in great numbers._

_Everyone gathered outside, whispers running around and speculations rising up._

_“They’re coming for our men!” An old woman shouted, her hands wrapped securely on her husband’s arm._

_“I’m sure they’re not. They must be looking for directions.” Tamegorou was seen as a leader in the village. Everyone trusted him deeply._

_Toushirou suddenly felt warmth enveloping his hand and he immediately recognized Mitsuba’s sweet smell._

_“We’ll be okay, right?” Her voice was trembling._

_“If my brother says so, then yes.” He was trying to reassure her, despite his own distress._

_He knew his brother well. He didn’t sound as confident as usual._

_“This never happened before! We’ll all be forced to leave for war!” A man screamed, stirring panic amongst the villagers._

_They were a peaceful group. War was a taboo subject._

_“Calm down! We mustn’t give into our fears. I’ll talk to whoever is coming.”_

_The people calmed down almost instantly and went back to whispering to one another._

_Finally, the strangers were close enough to talk to._

_And as the leader of the group stepped forward on a black horse, everyone easily recognized the face._

_The one who had ignored their existence for so long._

_The queen herself._

_“Oh, what a nice group of people we have there.” She spoke, her voice loud and filled with confidence._

_Tamegorou stepped up._

_“In what honour is our majesty coming in person to our small village?” He tried to be polite and used his best vocabulary._

_She seemed surprise that someone would talk to her directly._

_“I’m doing some cleaning.”_

_“Oh? And how can we help?”_

_She smirked and turned around._

_The man beside her bowed in front of her._

_“Yes, Kagura-sama?”_

_“Wipe them out.”_

_Screams of panic filled the silence._

_People started running, trying in vain to escape the horses._

_The attack was ruthless._

_They didn’t spare anyone._

_The rain started pouring down as they set everything on fire, running after the defenseless villagers._

_“Toshi! Run!” His brother was screaming._

_But he was fozen, knees in the mud as he stared at the ground._

_In his arms laid Mitsuba, pierced by the first arrow shot from afar._

_His was trying to cover the wound, to stop the blood from flowing out._

_But nothing was effective._

_Mitsuba coughed blood and squeezed his hands with the last force she had in her body._

_Her eyes were asking him, shouting at him to run._

_“N-no, I can’t! I can’t- oh god. Oh fuck, Mitsuba, stay with me! Oh no, no!”_

_Tamegorou arrived, his feet splashing mud in Toushirou’s face._

_“We have to leave!”_

_“I can’t let her die here! I can’t, Tamegorou! Help me, help her!”_

_“She’s already dead, Toshi!”_

_The tears in his eyes made him blind, and his hands, shaking and covered in blood, wouldn’t leave the girl._

_“She’s going to make it, I’m gonna save her!”_

_He didn’t get to do that when his brother pulled him up and forced him to run._

_Amidst the fire and the dead bodies, the smell of blood and sadness, Toushirou found himself pulling back._

_“I won’t leave this place.”_

_“Stop being ridiculous! Do you want to die?”_

_Before he could answer, he was pushed to the side by his brother and fell to the ground._

_“What are you-“ The sword piercing his body answered his question._

_Tamegorou pulled it out and fell backwards, in his little brother’s arms._

_“Fuck, fuck, fuck! You’re going to make it, brother! I swear, I swear you’re gonna-“_

_He choked on his tears._

_“This is all my fault, if I’d run when you told me too, if I hadn’t pulled back, if I-“_

_“Shut up, Toshi. Your brother died for you.”_

_Toushirou’s tears fell on his brother’s face. They rolled down slowly as more gathered on it._

_“And your brother will always love you. No matter what, he loves you.”_

_“Please don’t leave me. I can’t do it without you, please…”_

_But the body that was once his brother’s, lied in the mud and in the blood lifeless._

_He wasn’t listening anymore._

* * *

_Hijikata laid on his back in the middle of hundreds of bodies for days after that._

_Bodies who were once his friends and the only people he loved._

_Lifeless bodies who reeked of death._

_No one came for him._

_No one saved him._

_He let himself die, lying beside his only family._

_He thought of Mitsuba and Tamegorou._

_He thought of the smirk on Kagura’s face as she ordered an army to kill them all._

_He thought of the innocent children hidden in their mothers’ arms, trying to escape a terrible fate._

_He thought of the bright vermillion hair of the queen._

_He thought of his home, burned to the ground._

_And as he took his last breath, he swore to every god he knew of, one and only one promise._

_He’d find Kagura in his next lives and he would make her suffer as much as she did to him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I make my faves suffer like this . anyway how's Hijikata's backstory for you,,,tragic enough?
> 
> Daily reminder that if any of you ever feel the need to talk I’m here for you<3 i’ll leave my social media if you need someone. Tumblr: fruitpunchsamu-rai, twitter: softyoungjve. If you dont have any of those tell me I’ll give you something else i love you all


	16. Chapter 15.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashbacks, flashbacks
> 
> i hope this isnt too confusing!

Kagura’s lungs were on fire and her legs had given up on her.

Her heart was beating fast, too fast, and the world felt like it was crumbling down.

“Told you you’d regret asking me that question.” Hijikata still wore that arrogant smile and smug face.

Did all of this make him laugh?

“Is this fun to you?” Sougo was standing on the other side of the room, cheeks red from anger and his fists tight at his sides.

“He finally figured out the door was unlocked!” Hijikata laughed, yet again.

“I heard everything. How dare you make up a story and use my dead sister’s name!” His smile disappeared.

“You think I’m making this up? Just like you thought I was the villain?”

“If not you, then who?” Was all the younger boy answered.

“Her! Kagura’s the villain! You think it’s me, but it’s her. She’s the antagonist, the bad guy, the enemy! It’s not me!!” He was waving his hands around, grabbing his hair and screaming like his life depended on it.

“You made this hellhole and created a story of vengeance and-“

“It’s true…” She was whispering, her voice barely audible, but loud enough to stop Sougo in the middle of his sentence.

“Ah, she admits. You know, I searched for you for a long time. You were one in a billion.”

“How did you survive for so many years?” She clutched Sougo’s hand and supported herself up with his help.

“Thousands of years, actually. You took your time reincarnating, didn’t you?” He took another cigarette out.

“How?” He repeated.

“People who commit suicide end up reapers. And reapers who can remember their past lives become deviants. They’re more powerful and they never find peace.” He smiled and hit his chest with both hands. “Like Katsura and me.”

He stared down at the ground. He looked sad and relieved at the same time.

“I spent two thousand years searching for you and planning a revenge. A revenge so painful you would maybe come a bit close to mine. The pain you put upon me. You and no one else.”

Kagura finally spoke again.

“And how did you think you’d achieve that?”

He smiled. A smile so dark and cold hearted. A smile that had been through the worst.

He lifted his finger and pointed his finger at Sougo.

“Him.”

* * *

_“You’re going back with them? Again?” The sandy haired man sighed and dropped his sword to the ground._

_“Sougo, you know I like spending time with them. They’re kind of a replacement for when you aren’t here.” She continued braiding her hair, making faces at the small piece of mirror in her room._

_“Your little brother has been back from the capital for what, a week? And you did nothing but ignore him. I feel like I’m the only one who missed you.” He picked up his weapon from the ground and smashed it on the table._

_“That’s not true! I missed you very much. I’ll be back tonight, goodbye!”_

_“Yah!” But she had ran out, giggling and waving her hand at him. She disappeared in a sea of people and Sougo laughed. Okita Mitsuba was really something._

* * *

_She came back that night, as promised, a huge smile stapled on her face._

_“I’m back!” Sougo ignored his sister. “I said I’m baaaack.”_

_“I’m gonna get some water at the river. I’ll be here in an hour.” He turned his back to Mitsuba and walked out with a stomp of his foot._

_“Don’t be sulky with me! Be careful.” He mumbled after her words and she simply laughed._

_Barely fifteen minutes after Sougo’s departure, the village started being loud._

_Mitsuba, curious, followed the group. She heard Tamegorou’s loud voice and quickly found Hijikata not far._

_She hesitated before grabbing his hand._

_But the fear pushed her to get a hold of it._

_“We’ll be okay, right?” Despite her effort, her voice came out weak and shaking._

_But Hijikata gave her a reassuring look._

_“If my brother says so, then yes.” She believed him. She believed in his trust for his brother._

_She should have regretted her blind trust when she felt the arrow hit her._

_She should have._

_As her legs gave her out and as Hijikata looked at her in panic, she should have hated him._

_Despised him for lying to her, perhaps._

_She tried to talk to him. She wanted him to run, to get away from this place._

_The only thing that came out was the blood she was choking on, dripping on her chin and her chest._

_She should have thought about how this was the end._

_But a tear rolled off at the thought of Hijikata remembering her like this._

_Dying and choking on her own blood._

_Her head hit the wet ground and at this moment, she knew Hijikata had ran off._

_She smiled._

* * *

_Sougo started running as soon as he saw the smoke rising in the sky._

_He ran as fast as he could._

_That wasn’t enough, though._

_He arrived at his village too late. Minutes too late._

_He looked at the bodies, tears filling his eyes and his hands shaking violently._

_Finally, he noticed a more than familiar figure._

_He ran, stepping on limbs and splashing blood on himself._

_He stopped and puked. His throat burned._

_He continued his way. The only light guiding him was the moon._

_He dropped on his knees, wrapping his arms around his big sister’s cold body._

_“How did this- how could this happen?” He choked on his tears._

_“Who did this you- to everyone? Oh god.” He hugged the dead body for long minutes, crying alone and mourning for the only person he ever had._

_When he calmed down, he set on a mission to find the culprits of this heinous crime._

_He grabbed his sword and followed the steps in the grass._

_His body was weak, covered in blood and he tripped five times before he reached the troop of warriors._

_The horses all stopped when he screamed._

_“Who dares halting the queen’s guard?” One of the warrior screamed._

_Sougo scoffed in disbelief._

_The queen would never do that._

_Not to him._

_But he was proved wrong when a way too familiar vermillion head came into view._

_“What’s the problem?” She spoke._

_She looked down at Sougo’s frail body. Hanging on a tale of revenge._

_Shock flashed in her eyes, but she quickly recomposed herself._

_“Do you know him, Kagura-sama?” She hesitated._

_In the end, she simply raised her chin high and shook her head._

_“I don’t. Get rid of him.”_

_“Kagura! How can you do this? To me? To my village?”_

_He was screaming so loud he felt like his vocal chords were going to strain._

_He swore he heard her mumble. “I didn’t know it was your village.”_

_And as the sword cut him down, he thought of every moment he had spent with the so called queen._

_The story they had. The memories they had created._

_They meant nothing to her majesty._

_Love meant nothing._

_Love had killed him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my friend made me art for this fic and im still in shock! its truly an honour to see this??? i love her,,,,, anyway if any of you makes art for it send it to me? tag me? anYTHING just lemme see it dont keep it for yourself....love you all


	17. Final chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is a happy ending possible? 
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> I succeded. I ended the fic before ending myself. I’m so powerful

At the souvenir of his sister, Sougo felt light headed.

He knees buckled and the fall seemed higher than it actually was.

The shock on his knees woke him up out of his trance.

“I-Its…it’s all true. Everything’s true.” His whispers were filled with pain.

“Sougo, I’m so sorry, I-” Hijikata clapped in his hands, the amused grin on his face still in place.

He looked genuinely happy at this moment. He looked blissful.

“Memories are indeed painful. Try living with them for two thousand years,”

Kagura felt the tears prick at her eyes yet again. The remorse of her actions was too heavy.

“Everyone in this town is a victim of your cruel commands, darling. Every single person, down to your own family and friends. Wanna know how you killed them too?”

“No, please, I kn-” She tried stopping him, but Hijikata had already started.

“You were so scared they’d betray you, take away your power. Take away your title. So. Fucking. Scared. Sending them off to their deaths was the best decision, right? Right.”

“How would you know that?” She wasn’t sure she had ever been close to this man in her precious life. There was no way he’d know.

“Your boyfriend. Or as you called him back then, your soulmate. We were close. He told me everything about you. From your dates to your activities as a queen.”

He put emphasis on his last words. This man was mad, hanging on his past. She couldn’t blame him, though.

Sougo interrupted their conversation, his lips shaking and his pupils dilating.

“Fated lovers, meeting in every lifetime and every universe. Falling in love again and again. We chose each other every time.” Sougo’s voice was weak, as if he was coming back to life. As if he regained a reason to stand.

“I chose you in every lifetime, and yet you deceived me in every one of them. Perhaps we are more of tragic lovers than anything else, huh?” His voice was empty of emotions. Nothing radiated from him.

It scared her.

Their eyes met and Kagura swore she felt his stare pierce her soul.

It hurt.

It was her fault.

“I gave you everything. I gave and you only took and took until there was nothing left. You took my family, you took my friends, and you took everything without looking back. You never looked back.”

Kagura was crying. The tears slowly making their way down her cheeks.

She couldn’t answer anything. If she did, she would only aggravate his pain.

And she didn’t want that.

“I only ever watched your back. I never truly saw your face. But even then, without even knowing who you are, why can’t I hate you? Why does my heart still long for you?”

Hijikata was annoyed.  He sighed, making the anger he felt at the moment obvious.

But neither of them paid attention to the antagonist.

“You hurt me so badly. Why can’t I hate you? Why do we have to be cursed?” Kagura took an experimental step towards the emotional man.

When he didn’t flinch, she delicately placed her hand on his face. She stroked his cheek with her thumb. He relaxed into her touch, knowing more than anything the feeling of her presence.

They knew each other by heart.

“I was always truthful with you, Sougo. I never meant to cause you any harm,” She took a breath, the words getting harder to get out. “Not to you, your sister or anyone. If—if I would have known, I would never have done this. You know this, right?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know anything, Kagura.”

“We don’t have to be cursed. You know me, the real me, you know me so well. You remember, yeah? Everything we did together, you remember us?”

This time, he nodded.

“I do too. We loved – no, we love each other. It’s all I need from you. I love you. I just need to hear you say it. That’s all I’m asking.”

“I—”

But his sentence was cut short as Hijikata stepped in between them, the look in his eyes pained.

He didn’t seem as angry as before. He was sad.

“Sougo gets the apologies, the sweet words and everything in between? Don’t you think you’re getting arrogant? Don’t you think I deserve to be happy?” He was screaming and for the first time since their first encounter, Kagura felt him more human than ever.

She didn’t want to forgive him for the things he put her through. But deep down, she knew she was the one in the wrong from the start.

“Hijikata, I can’t atone for the mistakes I made in the past. I can’t take back all the suffering I caused. The torment I brought you, Sougo and everyone here,”

The taller man ran a hand through his hair. Kagura could see the debate in his eyes.

She chuckled without really laughing.

“You deserve a happy ending. You should have gotten a happy ending, a long time ago. Not me though.” She looked at her feet. She didn’t want to look at them, the people she hurt.

“Kagura, don’t say that.”

“Perhaps you’re right, huh? Maybe it’s time to end all of this.” Hijikata had calmed down.

Sougo, though seemed more panicked than anything.

“I’m so sorry.” Were her last words.

“Kagura, I love y—”

Hijikata snapped his fingers and as everything around them disappeared, he whispered, “But I make the decisions around here.”

 

-x-

 

The alarm on her bedside rang at exactly 7:30 in the morning. It rang so loudly she thought maybe smashing it to pieces would solve the sleepiness she felt. But she simply pushed the snooze button and grabbed her phone.

The phone showed today’s date, September 1st. She was starting school again that day. Exactly a month after being shot.

She still didn’t understand how she survived or what happened in the two weeks she was unconscious.

The doctor said it was normal, that a coma was like sleeping.

But after she woke up, the first thing she had done was cry. She cried for hours and nothing could comfort her.

She felt heavy during the week she stayed at the hospital after that, but now she felt kind of okay.

Her mum didn’t want her to start school just yet, but Kagura had insisted. She couldn’t afford to miss it.

She stood up and got ready to head to school, her limbs aching and her brain telling her to just go back to sleep.

But she pushed through and exited the house.

The walk there wasn’t long. It was barely a ten minute walk, seven if she walked fast.

She stopped at the convenience store in her street to buy chocolate.

The bell rang as she entered and she went straight to pick up a chocolate milk bar.

The cashier looked surprised.

“Chocolate this early? Your heart’s strong.”

She sighed and handed him the bar.

“I don’t need your opinion, Gintoki.”

The tag on his shirt told her his name and he faked a shocked expression.

“You know my name?”

She laughed and paid for the food.

“Milk chocolate is the best flavour, good choice.”

She felt a light sense of déjà vu, but she ignored it and thanked the silver haired man.

“See you another time!”

 

-x-

 

The next day, she quickly got up and immediately checked the date.

September 2nd.

She didn’t know why she always felt the urge to check the date.

It was as if she was scared she would wake up to the same day.

She laughed at the strange thought.

That was impossible.

She stopped by the store again, greeting Gintoki and quickly paying for her snacks.

She was running late for school.

She walked faster, not looking where she was going.

She regretted the action when she bumped into a tall man.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking in front of me.”

The man laughed and crouched down to help her picked up the food she dropped.

“It’s okay, don’t sweat it.” Their eyes met and the piercing blue of his eyes took her by surprise.

The colour contrasted his black hair perfectly and she couldn’t help but think he was handsome.

“T-thank you.” She bowed a bit and he ruffled her hair, taking a cigarette out.

“Be careful next time, kid.” She nodded and ran to her school.

-x-

 

On the weekends, Kagura liked to go to the park with Kamui.

He complained the whole way there and once they arrived, he’d sit on a bench and fall asleep.

Meanwhile, Kagura would go by the river, take her shoes off and dip her feet in the river.

The light breeze of September caressing her skin and the sun meeting her pale face softly.

She was always alone there.

No one disturbed her and it annoyed her.

She didn’t like the loneliness that came with it and she wished someone would sit by her side, even if they didn’t make conversation.

Her wish was fulfilled one particularly warm afternoon.

A man her age sat down with her and handed her a drink.

The tag read kiwi juice.

“I had a plus and I thought you seemed lonely.”

They both laughed and she took a sip of the beverage.

“Oh it’s good!”

He smiled, showing his teeth. His red eyes illuminated and he pushed his sandy hair back.

“I’m glad.”

Kagura examined him from head to toe, the image troubling.

He was similar to a person from her dreams, the vague memory of a sad boy dancing around in her head.

A drawing of soulmates and tragic lovers forming in her imagination.

She wondered who that boy could be to trigger such grey and colourful emotions inside of her.

“I’m Sougo, by the way. You are?”

She didn’t answer and he raised an eyebrow.

“Do I know you?”

His eyes widened, slightly surprised by the sudden question.

But then he smiled softly and chuckled.

He brushed a strand of hair out of Kagura’s face.

“From another life, maybe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. August 1st has come to an end. I'm so emotional I can't believe it's over? Thank you all so much for following this story? I never thought anyone would enjoy this fic, but here we are. I thought I'd end up never finishing it or that I'd fucking die or something before coming to a conclusion with this and wow we really came a long way. You all pulled through my slow updates and commented on every chapter and gave me strenght through my personal struggles and god. I swore to myself I wouldn't rant but lmao flkwuhfowlk. I love you all I'm so sos o grateful for every single one of you I LOVE YOU thank you for reading this, thank you. Once again, I love you. I'll miss this fic and all of you, be safe out there, stay healthy ily. I wrote this chapter again and again and I didn’t know how to end it properly. An explicit happy ending wouldn’t have suited the story in my opinion, so I went for an ending up to your interpretation. I hope you are not disappointed!!!! Leave a comment for the last time here<3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/comments are always appreciated! Stay tuned as more chapters are coming^-^


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